Dialogue Questions About. . .Our Sexuality

Key for Acronyms
DIFALD = Describe in full and loving detail
HDIF = How do I feel. . .?
HDIFA = How do I feel about. . .?
HDIFAT = How do I feel about that?
HDMAMMF = How does my answer make me feel?
HDTMMF = How does that make me feel?
MMF = . . .make me feel?
WAMFA = What are my feelings about. . .?
WAMFAT = What are my feelings about that?

1. What do I look forward to by going into in this area with you in dialogue? DIFALD
2. WAMFA my attitudes on sex? DIFALD
3. WAMFA your attitudes on sex? (Note: these 2 questions require initial discussion to find attitudes, i.e., the belief, principle, judgment or whatever causes your feelings.)
4. HDIFA sex in the morning? in the evening? with the lights on? DIFALD
5. WAMFA your taking the initiative? DIFALD
6. WAMFA taking the initiative? DIFALD
7. WAMFA my reaction toward sex? DIFALD
8. WAMFA your reaction toward sex? DIFALD
9. Have I ever felt used or rejected? WAMFAT
10. Have I ever felt inadequate sexually? WAMFAT
11. HDIF when I know we are to have sex shortly? WAMFAT
12. HDIF immediately after sex? DIFALD
13. What words, touches, sounds please me most during sex? WAMFAT
14. WAMF when I don’t want sex, but do anyway? DIFALD
15. WAMF when you don’t want sex, but do anyway? DIFALD
16. Is sex pretty much all or nothing? WAMFAT
17. What feelings about sex do I have which I find most difficult to share with you? HDIFAT
18. HDIF when you say no? DIFALD
19. HDIF when you say yes? DIFALD
20. HDIF when you undress in front of me? DIFALD
21. HDIF when I undress in front of you? DIFALD
22. HDIF when you tell me I’m sexy? DIFALD
23. “Our sexual relationship is the expression of our total relationship!” HDTMMF
24. HDIF when you kiss me in front of others? In front of children? DIFALD
25. HDIF when it’s been a long time since we’ve made love? DIFALD
26. HDIF when I feel pressured in our sexual relationship? DIFALD
27. HDIF when I ask you to make love? DIFALD
28. HDIF when you ask me to make love? DIFALD
29. “In sex, I am a gift of God given to you. I am placed in your hands by God.” HDTMMF
30. “In sex, you are a gift of God given to me. You are placed in my hands by God.” HDTMMF
31. HDIF saying yes for the good of our relationship? DIFALD
32. What is the quality I like best in you in our sexual relationship? HDTMMF
33. WAMF giving up the right to say no? for a week? for a month? DIFALD
34. HDIF when I see you totally open to me in our lovemaking? DIFALD
35. HDIF when we make love after an argument or misunderstanding? DIFALD
36. HDIF when our lovemaking is interrupted? DIFALD
37. HDIF when you compliment me on sex? DIFALD
38. Do I see our sex life as a separate part of our relationship? HDTMMF
39. Do my attitudes interfere with our sex lives? HDTMMF
40. Are there areas in which our sexual relationship could be improved? HDMAMMF (Don’t specify the area!)
41. What can I offer you to better our sexual relationship? WAMFAT
42. What inhibits me in our sexual relationship? WAMFAT
43. HDIF when I’ve been fulfilled by you? DIFALD
44. Why do I want to be fulfilled by you? HDMAMMF
45. HDIF when there are moods of sadness in our sexual relationship? DIFALD
46. Why don’t I trust you with helping me with sex? HDMAMMF
47. HDIF knowing that you didn’t trust me in helping you with sex? DIFALD
48. HDIF about the lack of wonderment in our sexual relationship? DIFALD
49. What does the awkwardness feel like to me when we talk to each other in this area? HDMAMMF
50. “All I have is yours. All you have is mine.” What feelings are stirred in me about these words?
51. HDIF when you say my name during our lovemaking? DIFALD
52. How does the busy-ness of our lives affect our sexual relationship? HDMAMMF
53. Do I have the trust to allow me to expose my innermost sexuality to you? HDMAMMF
54. In what specific area of my own sexuality have I been reluctant to open up with you? How does revealing this area make me feel?
55. HDIF when you lovingly accept a part of me that I had difficulty sharing? DIFALD
56. On a scale of 1 to 10, how do I rate our sexual relationship? HDMAMMF
57. Do I feel needed by you sexually? HDMAMMF
58. What part of my body do I judge to be sexually exciting to you? HDMAMMF
59. What part of your body is sexually exciting to me? How does sharing my answer with you MMF?
60. Do we have sexual relations often enough? HDMAMMF
61. Is it difficult to tell you during our lovemaking what enhances or reduces my pleasure? HDMAMMF
62. What specifically do you do to/with me during sex that I enjoy most? HDMAMMF
63. What is my attitude about oral sex? HDMAMMF
64. What specific experience have we had recently that was most beneficial to our sexual relationship? HDMAMMF
65. Do I fantasize during our lovemaking? (YES OR NO) HDMAMMF
66. Describe in precise detail your most sensual fantasy. How does sharing this with you MMF?
67. Describe the specific instance in which I am most turned on sexually? HDIFAT
68. What specific sex act that we have never experienced would I want us to experience? How does sharing my desire with you MMF?
69. Is there any form of sex with you that I find repulsive or highly undesirable? If so, what form? HDMAMMF
70. Do I fear pregnancy? HDMAMMF
71. Have we ever performed sex acts that have left me worried? If so, how does sharing this worry with you now MMF?
72. Where would I like to make love with you other than in bed? HDMAMMF
73. What specifically do you do to/with me physically that turns me off sexually? How does sharing my answer MMF?
74. After sharing this series of dialogues on our sexual relationship, how do I feel about our sexual relationship?
75. HDIFA laughing during lovemaking? DIFALD
76. HDIFA talking during lovemaking? DIFALD
77. Do I believe the things we did to compensate for no sex in our courtship aren’t necessary now? HDIFAMA
78. Do I worry about the kids seeing/hearing us? HDIFAT
79. Do I have the attitude, “Don’t start something you can’t finish,” and how does that affect our sexual relationship? HDMAMMF
80. What sexual baggage am I dealing with? HDMAMMF
81. Is sex good or bad? HDMAMMF
82. Do I ever use sex as a reward for good behavior? HDMAMMF
83. Do I believe that making love after an argument or misunderstanding is an easy way out? HDMAMMF
84. Does it matter if we’re meeting the national average? HDIFAT
85. Do the kids put a damper on my spontaneity? HDIFAT
86. Do I ever worry that if I go all out this time, you will expect this all the time? DIFALD
87. HDIF when the kids knock on the door when we are making love? DIFALD
88. What makes me feel degraded? HDMAMMF
89. HDIF when I have fantasies? DIFALD
90. HDIFA negligees? DIFALD
91. HDIFA sharing fantasies with you? DIFALD
92. HDIF when you compliment me in a way that affirms my femininity / masculinity? DIFALD
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